Anxiety / Awkwardness

My Safe Bubble

For almost 5 years , I have kept my daughter in our safe little bubble. I’m around her  pretty much 24/7. I see all, I hear all, I know all….

Well I have just realized that my bubble has been popped to smithereens.

I had no problem dropping my daughter off at kindergarten. In fact, I was super excited for kindergarten. Every day, three hours a day I get a break and have one less kid. EVERYTHING is easier with ONE kid. The possibilities are endless for those three hours, and I couldn’t wait to have them.

Well know that I have them, I am starting to see at what cost.

For three hours a day, 5 days a week, my over sensitive, extremely literal, sweet girl is on her own with strangers. I can’t hear what they say to her. I can’t see how they treat her. This is where all mothers nightmares comes from. Strangers. Doing or saying something that will hurt your kid in one way or another and you not knowing or being able to stop it because you’re not there.

school terrifies me, but mostly the older grades. I never thought at kindergarten I would be worrying about how other kids were treating my kids.

The other night I was responsible for putting both kids to bed as my husband was out-of-town. I asked my daughter to stand outside my sons room, or in her room, so that I could put him to bed and have a quick talk with on his own. She started panicking and saying that she was scared. She was literally screaming and trying to bust through me to get away from the one room and into her brothers.

When I asked about what, she started talking about how a kid in her school had been talking about haunted houses. She said he told her they had ghosts, goblins, and monsters. Now she thinks our house is haunted and is terrified of being alone in a room.

I can almost guarantee that this was a conversation about haunted houses at Halloween, and was completely harmless. At the same time, here I am trying to talk a 4-year-old out of being terrified of imaginary Halloween monsters.

There are  a lot of interesting stories so far about kindergarten.

At this age you don’t know what is exaggerated or not. What I do know is that my kid is now out of our happy bubble and is being exposed to the real world.

Not only are their conversations that are exposing her to things she is afraid of, but she is also already being subjected to the whole “bff” thing.

  • How come my new friend doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore? All I did was tell him I didn’t want to play tag.
  • All the older kids were laughing at her so I looked at her with my sad face and she told me to stop looking at her, why did she do that? I just felt sad for her.
  • Did you know “so and so” has three bffs and I’m not allowed to sit in-between them?  I have to sit on the other side of the table.
  • I was trying to play with “so and so” and he told his friend to chase me away

She is so sensitive, I find myself scanning my brain trying to come up with the most “responsible” answers. Answers that aren’t just “well that kids an asshole, don’t play with him then” I’ve said this time and time again, but parenting is the hardest job ever. The answers I have for her today, will shape how she thinks of friendship, and standing up for herself for the rest of her life. The seeds need to be planted, but how do you know which ones are best?

This is part of growing up, but its terrifying for me. There are so many things  we have sheltered our daughter from, because we know how sensitive she is. (she is the kind of kid that cries when you say you will bite her toes off when fooling around,) Now she’s gone and in the hands of other adults where everything and anything can happen.

I did not think I would be worrying about issues at school at this age, but here I am , spiralling into madness. I am thinking I should take up my friends offer  and join a commune with her. There will only be the best of us running it, and we will teach all the kids the same things, and our world will consist of braided hair, yoga, puppy dogs,  hand holding, and sanity.