Random Thoughts

The Reason I’m Cracked and Bleeding

For years I have had stupid dry hands, 

Like to the point they bleed they are so dry. 

We have tried to figure it out. 

Maybe it’s the soap I use. 

Maybe it’s the lotion I’m using. 

Maybe it’s my thyroid. 

Maybe it’s  just because I’m old now and my skin hates me.

I changed my eating, I had blood Work done ,  and I searched for the fountain of youth.

Then bam, it stopped.

Oh wait a minute, juuuuuuust kidding, its back.

I finally figured it out. 

I spend so much time wiping asses, cleaning snot,  washing my hands, and doing dishes that my poor wine pourers are constantly in water.

They don’t get a second to soak up the lotion I just put on them for the 50th time that day,  because as soon as I get a little in my hands, my kids can hear it.

They hear the squirt and the rub, and then they are immediately in the bathroom doing their business and have decided to beacon for me to come and wipe their ass.

One goes, and ten minutes later its the other ones turn.

Ten minutes later its me.

Then comes breakfast time, and breakfast dishes.

30 minutes later it’s the next round of bathroom breaks, repeat the vicious cycle for lunch and supper.

Luckily although my husband may act like my third child at times, he is completely capable of wiping his own ass. Bonus for me!

Throw into the mix the million other things I do in day that result in me needing to wash my hands, and there you have it. The reason for my disgustingly cracked and dry hands.

So for this, I would like to take a minute to thank my mother.

Thanks to you, I know how to wipe my ass, resulting in me knowing how to wipe my own kids asses.

You actually sat down and taught me how to do this. If it wasn’t for your patience and years of doing this for me, I would probably go broke buying new underwear from having poop stains.

You have saved me thousands of dollars over the years. So for this, I salute you.

To top it off, you somehow managed to do it without having cracked and bleeding hands. You are clearly the pro, and an all around better woman than I am.