Halloween

I love Halloween. I think I always have.Every Halloween I’m excited to give out candy. Alas, every Halloween I am reminded of a bunch of things that make me bitter.

To start off with, I just want to set the record straight. I don’t think kids are every “too old” to trick or treat. However, if you think you are “too cool” for a costume,  in my eyes you are “too cool” for my free candy. 

If I can throw on some face paint to hand out candy, then I really think you are capable of throwing on  a hat or a mask.

Every halloween is the same. I start out by giving a huge handful (or two) of candy to each kid.

Eventually we are overwhelmed with kids and I start giving out less to try to make the candy last. It doesn’t matter how much candy we start off with, this always happens. Sorry to the kids closer to the end of the night, but a few pieces of candy are better than none. Please don’t look at me like I killed your dog. You are getting a ridiculous amount of candy tonight. Even though I only gave two pieces, it will definitely help in contributing to your mouth full of cavities. Personally, I don’t like only giving two pieces and feel like a Scrooge already, don’t make it worse dude. 

Back in my day trick or treating was literally going up to a door and yelling trick or treat, and maybe knocking.

You said thank you no matter what you got, even if it was those homemade popcorn balls. Now kids come to my door, ring the bell, hold their bag out, get their candy, and walk away.

wtf? sorry, have I become a bitter adult or is this just crazy?  Kids should be taught manners and should have to “work” for their candy.

There were numerous times growing up that people would make me SING to get my candy, and you know what? I did it. because I wanted that fucking candy.

If I told a kid to sing for their candy they would look at me, tell me to F*ck off, and go to the next house.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a-lot of kids that do have manners, and I love it. They leave my door and I have a huge smile on my face. Those are the ones that make it worth it. Those are the ones that make me wish I had more candy to give, or gold , or money for college. Thanks to the parents who are rocking it and producing grateful kids.

We luckily didn’t have any problems this year, but in previous years, kids constantly screwed with my decorations.

This is another huge pet peeve to me. If  your kids come romping through my yard and start punching my inflatable, I should be entitled to half their candy in the bag, and your next newborn child.

If my 5 and 3-year-old know to walk on the sidewalk, leave decorations alone, say “trick or treat, thank you, and have a good halloween” I think  your pre-teen and teenager should be able to handle it as well.

Until next year my fellow trick or treaters.

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